Enriching Dinner Conversation

Here is the second part of the sharing I gave at a recent retreat for women in the People of Praise.

Secondly (and on a somewhat lighter note), I'd like to share one way we have enriched our family dinners together.

One of the points of attraction for me to this life is that I have brothers and sisters in Christ all over the country with whom I can share a Lord's day with, or pray for from a distance, or celebrate a wedding with and it seems completely natural and normal to do so. I have been fortunate to visit branches and form friendships over the years.

One desire I have as a mom is to help my daughters see more of the richness of our life and the breadth of the body. So, if they choose to live this particular life as adults, they'll at least have some more knowledge of it beyond what they see at our area and overall gatherings and what they experience in youth group and at Servant Camp.

Along with that, Ben and I have been thinking about what it takes to have good conversation together. We make it a priority to eat together every night. Yes, we are entering that phase of life where extra-curricular activities compete with dinner time, but we limit those extra activities so we can spend quality time together around our table most nights of the week.

Typical conversation tends to fall back on reports from the day. These conversations are sometimes lively and fruitful. One cool thing about these last two years is that all our girls are studying the same period in their history class. It has been a gift to hear them respond to each other and recognize what the others are talking about. But, these conversations can also be stale and sometimes we just need to break up the routine.

So, to create another starting point for conversation I talked with Ben about us reading aloud some of the articles from Vine and Branches while we ate. Vine and Branches is a People of Praise magazine published a few times each year and distributed to all members of the community.

I have taken it for granted that leaving the magazine out in plain sight will be picked up and read by all of us. It just doesn't happen. Occasionally we also receive an email with a special news item or announcement from the central office….but these aren't visible to our kids. There are many amazing stories our girls just aren't aware of that are happening all over in POP.

So on a weekly basis, I bring an issue to the table and read an article as we eat. The storytelling and pictures bring a vividness to the lives of others and a familiarity with all the people and works of all the branches. It awakens the imagination of our girls – Look what God is up to across the country!

What we appreciate about V&B is the articles are short and easy to read aloud, they are well written, there are pictures, they are Christ-centered, and they cover a variety of topics (art, music, evangelism, technology, summer camps, caring for the sick and elderly, etc.)

Even the tributes to people who have died is inspiring and gives us something to talk more about.

We've enjoyed learning about:

• “writing” icons from Kati Ritchie. In fact, we are making a trip to Colorado this summer and I hope we can see some of her work up close at a church in Denver.

• Kay Keller her life-long ordeal with cerebral palsy; amazingly, she lived to be 72 because brothers and sisters in the Appleton branch loved her and cared for her. Kay was even blessed to have teenage girls from the Appleton branch worked with her in her home. What a witness to us!

One evening I brought my Samsung tablet to the table to read the email news item of Peter Smith's appointment as auxiliary bishop to Portland. My daughter remarked, “He's from Africa? He doesn't look African.” This led to a discussion about South Africa.

The stories from V&B have brought a new spark and life to our quality family time together. They inspire storytelling, like me sharing memories of Kati living with me when I was growing up. They have opened our eyes to some of the real issues in our neighborhoods and the world and how members of the POP are responding and laying down their lives. There is both an enjoyment in reading V&B and a seriousness that we can't ignore. Our girls are poised to know and see one way how God is moving in the world.

We don't intend to keep this effort just related to community topics, but it has been a good place to start. I can see this spilling over into world events as someone may bring an article or story from another source to the table. For now, this is what works. It's not too structured or with too lofty expectations. Like our family prayer, it's us. The motivation comes from recognizing what is important to us and what is a good way to live it out in our home.

In these areas of family life we've just decided to dive in and our home life is the better for it.

To read a recent issue, of Vine and Branches, click on a cover image below.

                         

The "M" Word

I came across the video below while scrolling through facebook posts.

It's about the evolution of the bikini. And it's about Modesty.

I was immediately intrigued. Modesty in swimwear is a phrase that I am very conscious of as a mother of three girls, but I don't have much to reference in society that upholds and supports it as a value for girls and women. Just taking a walk through Target after Christmas was eye-opening with the displays of swimwear prominently positioned for all to see.  Buying a magazine at the airport last week was tricky. Do I really need to see three behinds staring me in the face as I am trying to choose good reading material for my flight? That SI swimsuit issue is terrible. And yet, its right there for all to see. What's worse is three women thought it was ok to pose that way, in those "suits".

I wonder how mothers and fathers of sons handle this topic.

Anyway, I appreciate the message that Jessica Rey offers - I mean, this is pretty counter-cultural. The fact that it is even brought up and shared across the country is amazing, I think.

The Godly Truth About Bikinis - FINALLY Someone Gets It! from sharethemessage on GodTube.

I plan to show it to my daughters and know for sure that one will light up when Jessica references Ms. Hepburn as the design inspiration for her line of swimwear.

Here's some more food for thought.

Swimsuit weather is still a ways off in my neck of the woods, but it's never too early to start (or continue, in my case) the conversation about modesty.

FOUR Teen

I neglected to put my battery back in my camera after re-charging it this morning.

I was so bummed about that.

I drove dozens of miles over inches of ice covering hours of slow driving to fulfill her birthday wish - to visit the arboretum and check out the new display of fairy gardens. I turned the "on" dial of my camera to catch all of the beautiful moments and scenery. No power. Battery left at home. My fault. Total bummer for me.

I didn't have a working camera to capture her joy on her birthday.

I was looking forward to all the other awesome photo opportunities of the outing. The Minnesota Landscape Arboretum is gorgeous with all this snow covering its terrain.

I. I. I. I. I.

This day was not about me.

It was about her. My beautiful fourteen year old who didn't care if my camera was working or not.

She had a ball with her friend Emmy and was blessed to spend time with her mom and sisters. We hiked in thigh-deep snow, played checkers by the fire, soaked up the sun and humidity in the conservatory and tasted delicious desserts.

Dad honored her at breakfast before heading to the Northern frozen tundra to camp and do other crazy guy stuff.

What more could a girl want?

Happy Birthday, Daughter! You are lovely.

And very forgiving.

Kate Spade Eyewear

In addition to similar DNA, their surname, and the fact they all live under the same four month old roof, what do these girls have in common?

Yes! They all wear glasses. Eye wear is the new thing in our household. (Aside: I don't ask the girls to pose for photos, other than to ask for a decent smile once in awhile. They do this on their own. Cracks me up.)

Notice The "Beauty Shelf" has a new item.

I feel so left out - of the folks in the family who need corrective lenses, that is.

One daughter wears them all the time, another most of the time, and the third just in school. I guess seeing the board from the back row is a good thing. I learned that she relies mostly on hearing her teachers read their notes rather than on reading them. Ahhh! Well, I can't be on top of everything.

One recent Saturday morning, we headed to Pearl Vision - After the three exams were complete, we took some time to shop. We walked out with a couple of new frames.

That morning I discovered I love Kate Spade eye wear. Really. We all kept pulling them off the display shelf and making a "try on" pile. The choices were all adorable. The color on the inside of the frames seems to make one's eye color pop.

These were my favorite.

The color and detail on the inside of the frames are darling. They make the glasses.

Now I get to see them every day on my lovely daughter!

I have been told by many people that my day is coming and maybe not so far around the corner. Cheaters.

If and when that happens I will definitely be shopping for a look like these. 

I figure if glasses need to be a daily accessory, embrace it - go cute. Go Kate Spade!

The Beauty Shelf

Back at it. Blogging.

Here goes.

In my days as a youth we rejoiced at the rare "snow day" when school was called off. With multiple new inches of snow came another wave of fun - carving out snow forts in the huge drifts, sliding off the neighbor's garage roof, making deep snow angels and on and on....

This winter my girls have the unusual experience of several days of "free" days due to extreme cold.

That translates into playing inside, reading inside, having fun with mom inside, spending money inside. A lot of inside. Actually, only inside.

Time to get creative.

Yesterday we took the day to clean the room, rearrange furniture, and create a "beauty shelf". It all started with a request to bunk their beds. It ended with less clutter, more function, and a cute room more fit for pre-teen girls.

We wanted to eliminate unwanted and unused items, make the space feel more open, comfortable, and functional. To do this, we needed an extra floor lamp, a shelf (to add to the two we already had) and a rug. This meant making a trip to IKEA. I discovered that it is possible to cruise through IKEA in less than an hour. We were there and back again in 50 minutes. Yes!

One addition to the room is what I call "the beauty shelf". I just threw the name out there. Izzy laughed. The name stuck.

Where before they kept brushes, glasses, and accessories in multiple locations and without any order, they now have one space designated for these items and one spot for getting ready in the morning.

This morning after the girls left for school, I added these four hooks.

They hold hair binders, head bands, rainbow loom bracelets and beaded bracelets.

The rings keep accessories visible and organized. I firmly believe that what can't be seen well, does not get used. Stuffed in a drawer or strewn across their dresser top, these were hidden and not easily seen. I think this solution will help keep their room a bit more tidy and their time in getting ready in the morning more efficient.

The shelf sits between their individual shelves which hold their reading lamps, books, and meaningful knickknacks.

I think they will be happy with the addition of accessories on the wall.

Maybe coming home to this new element will help with the adjustment of actually being back in school.

P.S. The hooks are from Target; came in a set of six. I purchased the rings as a set many years ago - can't remember where they are from.

P.S. #2.  It's good to be back. Blogging.

Austen Fever

Emma. Harriet. Jane. Elizabeth. Marianne. Elinor. Darcy. Bingley. Knightly.

We are deep in the world of Jane Austen at our place. It was bound to happen. A house mostly full of girls and entering the junior high era...I am thrilled.

We've watched a few of the BBC versions of Austen's adaptations and started to read Emma and Pride and Prejudice, my favorite book of all time.

And, as a result, I find myself using words like keen, dashing, nonsense and phrases like fond of, at present, and I flatter myself, and quite shocking indeed.  At least if not spoken aloud, I am thinking in these terms more lately.

 Almost makes me want to buy or sew an empire waist dress.  Almost.  I don't think I could stomach it if when walking about I was stopped and asked, "Oh, when are you due?"  Which is bound to happen in my case.

I avoid empire waist clothing for that reason. I flatter myself that the style is just not that flattering on me.

In regards to Emma, I have seen at least three film versions of the story.  I am particularly fond of the BBC Masterpiece Classic version starring Romola Garai. I love her. She's Hungarian. She's gorgeous.

It could have something to do with the reddish hair, but I think she is a fabulous actress. Her expressions and ability to be youthful and mature when the plot requires are spot on, in my opinion.

I enjoy her performance and character in Amazing Grace as well. I am also beginning to wonder if the British are capable of making a film not starring Michael Gambon as well.  He's fantastic.

Come to think of it, when you see enough period British films you see the same gifted actors appear and reappear multiple times.  It's as if Maggie Smith is destined to play grandmotherly, snobbish old dames who zing one liners and steal each scene.  I mean, can you even picture her in pants?

At present we are knee deep into watching Elizabeth Gaskell's Cranford - funny as heck and wonderfully, simply shot.  Gambon appears here too and his character contributes to one of the most heart breaking love stories in the plot. So far. We are half way through the film.  You never know with these stories. Money, scandal, disease, a glance from one to another.  They all force changes in relationships so quickly.

A confession: I've broken down into tears only once when reading a Christmas letter. Of all the ones we have received over the years, one made me just bawl.  We received in the mail  two years ago. A family acquaintance of ours living elsewhere and raising three daughters and a son updated us on their year.  They regularly had the privilege of watching their offspring join with the neighborhood kids and perform small impromptu plays based on Austen's stories.  They had recently performed Emma and roped in some younger guys to take the parts of men.
[Aside note: We had to bribe my brothers to be the "priest" and "groom" whenever we played "wedding"...man, it took a lot of coaxing for those boys to comply. Can't say that I blame their hesitancy when I think back on it. We were pretty demanding brides in those days.]

Why the tears?  I've so wanted that kind of camaraderie and play-making to be a part of even one of my kids' lives.  The current make up of the neighborhood doesn't lend itself to the kind of productions mentioned in the letter. But sharing these wonderful stories in these little ways with my daughters is rewarding enough.

Quite rewarding indeed.

The Cloth Napkin

We sat down to dinner altogether every night as I was growing up.  The eight of us took our seat at the dining room table with candles lit and our own cloth napkin next to our fork.  Setting the table at our house included giving each person his own napkin and each had his own unique napkin holder to distinguish them.  I remember having the red apple one, there was an artichoke too. After about a week, I think, the napkins went into the wash.  I had to fold and iron LOTS of napkins as a kid. 

A couple years ago, I thought of using the white napkins I already had and the silver napkin rings each time we sit down to dinner as a family.  Well, we had already been using them, but giving each person a new one at each meal. 

There's just something about a cloth napkin that sets this meal aside as special, one to take time with.  It's worth the effort I think to add personal touches to family dinners.

In order to distinguish whose is whose, I embroidered our first initials on a napkin.  I had an assortment of embroidery floss that I found at Goodwill for a couple bucks.  It's a large supply and has about 25-30 different colors.  A find.

So, for the last couple years, whoever has the lucky job of setting the table for dinner, includes our own personal napkin.

Looks like from the picture, the napkin rings need some polishing.

My love for baking soda comes into play here. I use a small amount on the silver and it works beautifully.

I think I'll put a kid on that job...hmmmmmm, maybe I'll break it to them when they return from their excursion to Hawaii.

"Kids, while you were gone, I had lots of time to think about more jobs to add to your household duties."

That should be a hit.

Might risk not getting the awesome souvenir they are buying me.  Wait, I forgot to ask them to get me something. Shoot.  I know they already scooped up some sand from the North Shore to bring home for dad.  That's what he asked for. Sand.  Just a small scoop of sand.  I sent along a ziplock just for that purpose.  It's already filled, I hear.

God knows what he has planned for it.

Queen For A Day

"Divorced
Beheaded
Died

Divorced
Beheaded
Survived"

That mantra still rings in my ears from a couple years ago when my oldest was learning about the six wives of Henry VIII and their fate.

Recently, daughter #2 learned the same chant and grew in her knowledge of the first "beheaded".

She was assigned Anne Boleyn to research. The full assignment called for a report with a bibliography, a poster board with pictures, props, a costume and a presentation in front of the class and parents.

Not quite sure how this was all going to go down, I was in the end so proud of our "queen for a day." She pulled it off very well. She read, outlined, wrote, re-wrote, memorized, practiced her oratory skills, gave input on the costume I sewed for her and delivered a wonderful address in front of her peers.

Most importantly, she asked great questions throughout this whole process which showed she understands some of the complexity and seriousness of the situation of this particular queen. She is still naive about some facts or parts of Anne's situation, which I am fine with. In time and with maturity she will come to understand more and form an even better opinion regarding her life and choices.
For now, our queen for the day showed poise and perseverance through a lengthy assignment and finished her school year well.

This mom is proud.

Too Ambitious?

Summer officially graces us at 3:40pm tomorrow.

The last of the kids will be out of school then.

Yikes! What to do with all this free time? Well, I have been thinking a lot about it and have started to compile information about fun outings and activities for all of us to do together. More on that later.

Inevitably though, I look back at the summer and wish I had somehow established a way for each child to grow in an area or two; for each one to pursue something they care about with more depth; for the summer to have had not only hours and hours of imaginative and fun play but also something in the end that says, "I did this. I made this. I learned this."

Also, we have weather to contend with. Sometimes gorgeous weather like today, but sometimes rain or blazing-record shattering heat like yesterday. When its not so nice outside, it is helpful to have a purposeful project to fall back on.

And, we have long road trips coming up - hours and hours and miles and miles of time to spend on something productive.

Lastly, I need a really good response for "I'm bored."

So, just a few seconds ago I came up with this. I think I will run it up the flag pole and see what kind of feedback I get. It may have to be tweaked, but I think it is good as it stands. I will even commit to doing it myself just to be fair. And, I really want to grow too.


Pick a Project

• sew a garment (find a pattern, buy the materials and notions)

• sketch, paint and display a picture; study an artist and copy a painting
  

• write a book, type it up and illustrate it

Pick a Place

• anywhere on the globe

• find books and websites about this place

• write a report and print out a map

• tell us about it!

Pick a Person

• any person in history or modern day

• find a book about this person or read his/her autobiography

• write a report and print their picture

• tell us about it!

Pick a Poem

• find a poem you like

• memorize it

• write it out, illustrate it

• recite it for us

Pick a Recipe

• choose a recipe from one of our recipe books

• buy the ingredients

• make it and decide when and with whom you want to serve it

I plan to propose it to my husband, then the girls, then remind myself its really okay if it is not all accomplished by Labor Day, when our summer officially ends.

Yikes, did I say "summer ends"? What is the matter with me?

I am going outside right now to enjoy it.

Be a POSITIVE MOM

My friend passed this on to me. She is part of a MOPS group and one of the speakers, Angie Abfalter, offered this acronym, one that I think is helpful inspiration for us moms.

It goes a little something like this.

P - Practice what you preach.

O - Offer encouragement. Be specific with your praise.

S - Show them love.

I - Invest time in your kids. Guard your family time. Give them quality time.

T - This too shall pass. The days are long but the years are short.

I - Ignite a passion for the Lord.

V - View the world as a child.

E - Embrace who they are. See their potential.


M - Me time. Take it and use it.

O - Overwhelming calendars. Limit it.

M - Make God the Lord of your life.


I think there is some good wisdom here. It's simple, but sometimes that's all we can handle. Simple phrases and messages to guide us through all the information that claims to help us help ourselves.

When you find good advice, run with it.

I am positive you can do it.

Prayer Part Seven

Be beautiful, don't be sexy.

Those words still resound in my ears after nearly 22 years.

I heard them as a super hormonal-seeking-the-boys-attention teenager during a talk by a teacher at my high school. She was speaking to all the girls and she brought more light to being a young woman than I had heard before and really have not heard much of since. I am so grateful for those few words. They have helped guide my choices and thoughts.

Our culture certainly throws around the word beauty and beautiful a lot. We also throw around the words hot and sexy. And there are probably more words in that vein that I am not privy to. I think the words have become muddled, interchanged, and communicated so much and to younger ages these days, that a girl grows up with some confusion as to what beauty really is and how she can or should exemplify it What's more, the images out there are numerous and at the forefront of most media.

What's the difference between being beautiful and being hot? Do we even have examples of one or the other so a distinction can be seen?

I would offer that beauty is lasting, it is not fleeting. It's what makes one shine in the world as herself. It is what takes little effort but is greatly appreciated and noticed for its genuine-ness. It is that natural glow and smile that makes one happy and content being around you. It is seeing or catching a glimpse of the awesome creative work of the Father in that person.

Again, it is lasting. It is what endures when the body starts to go.

And I think it is what you would want your spouse in the end to most appreciate. It is what you would want your spouse to appreciate in the beginning.

It is what you might hear a husband say after 50 years of marriage. She is more beautiful now than the day I met her. I believe this is a sentiment that can be realized in a marriage. It goes to the depths of what one sees in the other and how one cherishes and holds the other up as precious, special, and unique.

What would you rather hear your husband say to another person? My wife is hot. Or, my wife is the most beautiful person I have met. I am so grateful to be with her. Look at her.

I cried more than once through a Christmas letter we received this past December. It just held a lot of what I want and long for in family life. Anyway, the husband and father of four wrote the letter and in it he brought out the personalities of his wife and children as he recounted their typical morning. It was really a beautiful letter. What struck me in particular was the way this man honored his wife for her hard work and for her beauty. He is still struck by her beauty even in the early morning as she rushes out the door to spend the entire day at her job. She sort of blows him off, but you can just tell he adores her. Her. For all she is. For who she is. I can't recall his specific words; they just spoke truth about the way he saw her.

She was the model of beauty for him.

So today's prayer for your husband is simple, but it really goes against the grain of what we see on a daily basis in a lot of relationships. Therefore, it takes some courage and boldness and vulnerability to say:

Make my image the model of beauty for him.

Service with Style

Ben and I were treated to a date night yesterday by, get this, our daughter. Her Girls of Praise group came up with the idea to bless their parents with a dinner and entertainment following our community meeting at River Ridge. They made invitations, prepared lasagne and brownies ahead of time, and set the tables in the family room at River Ridge so we could dine in style.

Our evening began with our daughter (donned in her apron) escorting us to our table where we had handmade place cards indicating our seats. Once the parents were all assembled, we were treated to music and encouraged to dance with our spouse. With giggling in the background, Ben and I enjoyed a couple dances, one to Stevie Wonder's I Just Called to Say I Love You....that one never gets old. Then we took our seats again to be entertained by the girls. Some had prepared a song, some a piano piece and two girls shared their favorite joke.

Next we were served bread and salad.

Then heaping portions of lsagne, which was delicious. Next, fruit served from a carved watermelon basket. And finally, brownies and ice cream topped with chocolate.

This was a feast indeed.

I think the best parts were watching the girls do ALL the work and enjoy it at the same time. They truly honored us with their service and smiles. They treated us with respect and care. I was blessed to see that at a young age, they now have the experience of seeing what makes a good date. One hope we have is for the girls to be attracted to a gentleman who knows how to date well. If it is their calling to be open to being married, I pray for them to have this kind of picture in their minds. Here they saw their parents laughing, talking, dancing, eating, appreciating, and loving each other.

I also enjoyed the opportunity to get to know the parents we sat next to. The couple we talked with most of the evening is originally from Columbia. They have quite a story and were able to share about the hardships there. Another parent shared his amazing and often humorous stories of visiting Venezuela on a mission trip for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. He is the main photographer and a writer for the Catholic Spirit newspaper. His stories of meeting the church members of the parish he visited, seeing the barrios, praying he would survive the harrowing trips in the car, conversations with the locals about Chavez, etc....We had a marvelous time just hearing more about the two countries, their differences, their similarities and how things have changed over the last several decades. It was a blessing indeed to share a meal with brothers and sisters in our body and appreciate even more the One Lord who unites us.

From the flowers and Hersey kisses on the table, to watching the girls clear our spots and clean, to sharing our life and stories with new friends, Ben and I were grateful.

Nine year olds are amazing!

Thanks for a great date, Kate.