Our hub dinner last night included some special entertainment.
Ben took us through a slide show of his Winter Camping trip (which I will post pictures of soon).
But first, we were treated to a viewing of these two youtube videos.
The context here is that during our dinner Shellee began telling us about a class she is taking at UST as part of her pursuit to attain a Master's degree in Pastoral Ministry. The subject of her course got us to talking about our understanding of the differences between men and women. Two videos captured some of the inherent distinctions.
This one, a snippet of a longer lecture, is titled A Tale of Two Brains.
Now watch this one - it highlights insights shared in the first.
I had seen this one before, but appreciate it much more in light of having watched the first.
I recommend watching with your significant other.
Much laughter and "Aha" moments occurred as we all watched together.
Showing posts with label A Deal's A Deal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Deal's A Deal. Show all posts
Monday, March 10, 2014
Saturday, February 11, 2012
It's Nice to Know
I have the privilege of working in the same office once or twice each week with the Director of Advancement for Trinity School at River Ridge. She is kind of like a mentor in guiding our little alumni association along and helping me, the director, with her insights, wisdom and lots of practical support. It is a pleasure to work in her company and learn from her.
Yesterday I heard the last three words of a phone conversation she was having with her husband of 25 years. I was pretty engrossed in a project bur heard her farewell.
"Love you, too", she said.
Pretty normal thing to say at the end of a conversation. But it struck me as I drove myself home that afternoon, that her words, though normal, are hardly ordinary. They are a really nice thing to say. Especially to your spouse.
I was brought back to one of my favorite scenes from the movie Fiddler On The Roof. I love the dialogue and song between Tevye and Golde when he asks her if she loves him. Her reaction is one I imitate a lot. "Do I whaaaat?!!???!!" As, if to say, what kind of ridiculous question is that? Honey, I got work to do here (for Golde, the Sabbath was fast approaching), it's a busy time, leave me alone. And my sentiment which is usually something like "You're catching me off guard here."
Tevye explains that since their marriage was arranged and he first saw her on their wedding day 25 years ago, he didn't really know if she loved him. He still doesn't really know. She never expressed it in those words directly to him.
As the song continues, she reflects on the acts of love, her service and all their time together as proof of her love for him.
Tevye presses her for an answer. He still wants the words to be said and heard.
"I suppose I do", she finally says. And he is happy.
The couple ends the song singing together side by side, "It doesn't change a thing, but even so...after 25 years, it's nice to know."
I agree. It's just really nice to hear and say those words.
Let's just be nice.
I think Love depends on it.
Yesterday I heard the last three words of a phone conversation she was having with her husband of 25 years. I was pretty engrossed in a project bur heard her farewell.
"Love you, too", she said.
Pretty normal thing to say at the end of a conversation. But it struck me as I drove myself home that afternoon, that her words, though normal, are hardly ordinary. They are a really nice thing to say. Especially to your spouse.
I was brought back to one of my favorite scenes from the movie Fiddler On The Roof. I love the dialogue and song between Tevye and Golde when he asks her if she loves him. Her reaction is one I imitate a lot. "Do I whaaaat?!!???!!" As, if to say, what kind of ridiculous question is that? Honey, I got work to do here (for Golde, the Sabbath was fast approaching), it's a busy time, leave me alone. And my sentiment which is usually something like "You're catching me off guard here."
Tevye explains that since their marriage was arranged and he first saw her on their wedding day 25 years ago, he didn't really know if she loved him. He still doesn't really know. She never expressed it in those words directly to him.
As the song continues, she reflects on the acts of love, her service and all their time together as proof of her love for him.
Tevye presses her for an answer. He still wants the words to be said and heard.
"I suppose I do", she finally says. And he is happy.
The couple ends the song singing together side by side, "It doesn't change a thing, but even so...after 25 years, it's nice to know."
I agree. It's just really nice to hear and say those words.
Let's just be nice.
I think Love depends on it.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Lucky Thirteen
He takes me up thousands of feet for views like this.
And 20 feet down into the sea.
He makes me laugh with his inventive ideas for products that only a cyclist enthusiast could love. And that may be stretching it.
He sits across me about twice a month as we attempt to beat our friends in 500. He's okay with me not being so patient with him as he learns the game. He's patient with my impatience.
He chases the garbage man down the street to personally hand him a tip for Christmas. In shorts and bare feet. Air temperature: 25 degrees.
He buys me the one and only real item on my Christmas wish list - a Tramontina 6.5-Quart Cast-Iron Dutch Oven.
Then surprises me - my beloved kite is inside. A bit frayed from its trauma last Fall, but still fly-able. He retrieved it secretly and kept it hidden until last week.
He buys me good wine and truffles - just because.
He surprises me again at our annual anniversary breakfast with this - just because. He swears the research shows it will serve me better than an iPad. And I trust him.
He calls up his buddies and works along side them on Saturdays to finish our bedroom space in the basement. He treats them to 12 year old Jameson whiskey so they come back to help with the next phase.
He attempts to solve Math problems and involves the kids when estimating how much concrete powder to purchase for above basement project. This is really something because he will tell you he married me for my Math genes. He has gifts in other areas, he says.
He gave me these three nuts to love for the rest of my life.
He chases down the peleton at least once, sometimes twice a day on his rollers, causing a pool of sweat to collect on the mat on the floor. He doesn't mind all the crap on the back porch that surrounds him. He knows how to focus on what's important.
He blogs, he texts, he tweets, but he still knows how to hand write a heartfelt card when it matters.
He's willing to work daily to pray together and talk about us. Not the kids, not the house, not the other stuff of life. Just us.
And 13 years ago today, he became mine.
All mine.
And 20 feet down into the sea.
He makes me laugh with his inventive ideas for products that only a cyclist enthusiast could love. And that may be stretching it.
He sits across me about twice a month as we attempt to beat our friends in 500. He's okay with me not being so patient with him as he learns the game. He's patient with my impatience.
He chases the garbage man down the street to personally hand him a tip for Christmas. In shorts and bare feet. Air temperature: 25 degrees.
He buys me the one and only real item on my Christmas wish list - a Tramontina 6.5-Quart Cast-Iron Dutch Oven.
Then surprises me - my beloved kite is inside. A bit frayed from its trauma last Fall, but still fly-able. He retrieved it secretly and kept it hidden until last week.
He buys me good wine and truffles - just because.
He surprises me again at our annual anniversary breakfast with this - just because. He swears the research shows it will serve me better than an iPad. And I trust him.
He attempts to solve Math problems and involves the kids when estimating how much concrete powder to purchase for above basement project. This is really something because he will tell you he married me for my Math genes. He has gifts in other areas, he says.
He gave me these three nuts to love for the rest of my life.
He chases down the peleton at least once, sometimes twice a day on his rollers, causing a pool of sweat to collect on the mat on the floor. He doesn't mind all the crap on the back porch that surrounds him. He knows how to focus on what's important.
He blogs, he texts, he tweets, but he still knows how to hand write a heartfelt card when it matters.
He's willing to work daily to pray together and talk about us. Not the kids, not the house, not the other stuff of life. Just us.
And 13 years ago today, he became mine.
All mine.
A deal's a deal, baby. I'm in this for life.
Happy Anniversary.
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Entire Prayer
Print it and offer it up daily.
Prayer For My Husband
Open his eyes to Your plan for his life. The plan
for which he was created and that would stir up
energy and passion in him.
Give him success in all that he does.
Grant him more than enough income to provide for
our family and to serve Your people.
Recharge him at home more than at work or play.
Help him develop friendships with other men that
would encourage, validate, bless, and focus him on
His identity and purpose from You.
Help him see me as his helpmate and help me
that I can be his best friend, supporter, and lover
(Proverbs 5:18-19).
Make my image the model of beauty for him.
Help him to know that I believe in him, trust his
decisions for the family, and am proud of what he
is able to accomplish at work.
Help us take every opportunity to bless each other
and allow the Holy Spirit to be the one to convict
of sin.
Help me to allow him to truly enjoy time with You
and look to You for direction and life to give to the
family.
Amen.
Open his eyes to Your plan for his life. The plan
for which he was created and that would stir up
energy and passion in him.
Give him success in all that he does.
Grant him more than enough income to provide for
our family and to serve Your people.
Recharge him at home more than at work or play.
Help him develop friendships with other men that
would encourage, validate, bless, and focus him on
His identity and purpose from You.
Help him see me as his helpmate and help me
that I can be his best friend, supporter, and lover
(Proverbs 5:18-19).
Make my image the model of beauty for him.
Help him to know that I believe in him, trust his
decisions for the family, and am proud of what he
is able to accomplish at work.
Help us take every opportunity to bless each other
and allow the Holy Spirit to be the one to convict
of sin.
Help me to allow him to truly enjoy time with You
and look to You for direction and life to give to the
family.
Amen.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Final Prayer
When you plan out a day, weekend or week, do you plan for time with the Lord?
You plan to meet a friend for coffee or go out with friends for a drink, do you plan to sit down for awhile and hang out with God?
Do you encourage your spouse to do so?
Try it!
Look at what happens when you spend time with a friend who leads you towards the good, the true and the beautiful. You are inspired. You want to accomplish good things. You have hope. You have direction. You are happy.
Pray that your spouse desires to sit with Jesus and talk. Pray that he wants to hear what the Lord has to say to him. You will be blessed. He will be blessed. And your family life will grow in more ways than you can imagine.
You plan to meet a friend for coffee or go out with friends for a drink, do you plan to sit down for awhile and hang out with God?
Do you encourage your spouse to do so?
Try it!
Look at what happens when you spend time with a friend who leads you towards the good, the true and the beautiful. You are inspired. You want to accomplish good things. You have hope. You have direction. You are happy.
Pray that your spouse desires to sit with Jesus and talk. Pray that he wants to hear what the Lord has to say to him. You will be blessed. He will be blessed. And your family life will grow in more ways than you can imagine.
Help me to allow him to truly enjoy time with You and look to You for direction and life to give to the family.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Husband Prayer Part Nine
It doesn't work well to hold up a mirror to someone else and expect instant change, instant recognition of fault, instant desire to undo a habit or behavior. It just doesn't work.
Holding up a mirror so someone can see their own behavior and its ramifications is a delicate art. It shouldn't be tried if love really is not the aim. And it needs to be carefully considered in its delivery, timing, and frequency.
Spouses really ought to be able to call each other on to good behavior, good ways of thinking, and the Truth.
Calling someone on and sticking it to them with the painful truth are two different things. The manner of each is different and the motivations are usually different.
True conviction of behavior and its far reaching or short term consequences can really only come from God. We can try to convince someone until the cows come home that they need to change, to grow up, to turn the tide of an attitude.
If I shift my focus towards blessing my spouse, I am less likely to blame, point out his faults, and highlight his weaknesses in front of others. Most of us already know where we fail. We are aware and sensitive to our failings. We really don't need them facing us regularly in the form of a holier than thou spouse.
It is the voice of the Holy Spirit that finally convicts. Sometimes that voice can be heard through people, yes. But often it is in the heart that we hear the sometimes quiet, sometimes loud words that make us melt into sorrow for what we have done, and lead us gently towards forgiveness. Then, real change can and does happen.
When I vowed to love, honor and cherish my husband, I didn't mean I would convict, blame and degrade him. I meant I would honor, love and cherish.
Pray that you are able to see the opportunities before you to bless your spouse. That you are able to follow through with what you see. And that you are able to bless again, again and again. The Holy Spirit is on your side. Make it a team effort.
Holding up a mirror so someone can see their own behavior and its ramifications is a delicate art. It shouldn't be tried if love really is not the aim. And it needs to be carefully considered in its delivery, timing, and frequency.
Spouses really ought to be able to call each other on to good behavior, good ways of thinking, and the Truth.
Calling someone on and sticking it to them with the painful truth are two different things. The manner of each is different and the motivations are usually different.
True conviction of behavior and its far reaching or short term consequences can really only come from God. We can try to convince someone until the cows come home that they need to change, to grow up, to turn the tide of an attitude.
If I shift my focus towards blessing my spouse, I am less likely to blame, point out his faults, and highlight his weaknesses in front of others. Most of us already know where we fail. We are aware and sensitive to our failings. We really don't need them facing us regularly in the form of a holier than thou spouse.
It is the voice of the Holy Spirit that finally convicts. Sometimes that voice can be heard through people, yes. But often it is in the heart that we hear the sometimes quiet, sometimes loud words that make us melt into sorrow for what we have done, and lead us gently towards forgiveness. Then, real change can and does happen.
When I vowed to love, honor and cherish my husband, I didn't mean I would convict, blame and degrade him. I meant I would honor, love and cherish.
Pray that you are able to see the opportunities before you to bless your spouse. That you are able to follow through with what you see. And that you are able to bless again, again and again. The Holy Spirit is on your side. Make it a team effort.
Help us take every opportunity to bless each other
and allow the Holy Spirit to be the one to convict of sin.
and allow the Holy Spirit to be the one to convict of sin.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Prayer Part Eight
We've heard it before.
Behind every good man is a good woman.
Isn't this good woman gorgeous?
She happens to be engaged to be married this summer.
She happens to have made a good life for herself on the East Coast working as a NICU nurse.
She also happens to be my baby sister.
Sniff sniff.
I left the house having just turned 18 and she was just beginning kindergarten.
Now look at her.
She's happy. She has found a good man.
And he adores her.
Can you tell?
It's wonderful to have these images that capture the joy and devotion of a couple.
There's a lot behind photos though.
I think so much of a good relationship is hidden, its what we never see. And it is sometimes really simple things that give it a boost.
Its the quick words of encouragement, the affirmative nod, the quick kiss, the "how was your day?" greeting, and the quiet personal times of prayer that hold up the other to the Father.
There is a lot of comfort and confidence that exists when you know someone approves of and wants you to succeed. It is motivating and inspiring. Things just get done when you know you have support.
And not just the rah rah cheerleader kind of support. But sincere words and genuine actions that show someone you believe in them, you trust them, you are willing to put your life in their hands. What we do as spouses to hold marriage as the greatest of priorities is a delicate and precious thing. It requires care. And it helps if you let him know you trust him to care for the relationship and the family as he can and to hope he can do it better and better with each passing year.
Honey, I'm behind you. I'm for you.
Behind every good man is a good woman.
Isn't this good woman gorgeous?
She happens to be engaged to be married this summer.She happens to have made a good life for herself on the East Coast working as a NICU nurse.
She also happens to be my baby sister.
Sniff sniff.
I left the house having just turned 18 and she was just beginning kindergarten.
Now look at her.
She's happy. She has found a good man.
And he adores her.
Can you tell?It's wonderful to have these images that capture the joy and devotion of a couple.
There's a lot behind photos though.
I think so much of a good relationship is hidden, its what we never see. And it is sometimes really simple things that give it a boost.
Its the quick words of encouragement, the affirmative nod, the quick kiss, the "how was your day?" greeting, and the quiet personal times of prayer that hold up the other to the Father.
There is a lot of comfort and confidence that exists when you know someone approves of and wants you to succeed. It is motivating and inspiring. Things just get done when you know you have support.
And not just the rah rah cheerleader kind of support. But sincere words and genuine actions that show someone you believe in them, you trust them, you are willing to put your life in their hands. What we do as spouses to hold marriage as the greatest of priorities is a delicate and precious thing. It requires care. And it helps if you let him know you trust him to care for the relationship and the family as he can and to hope he can do it better and better with each passing year.
Honey, I'm behind you. I'm for you.
Help him to know that I believe in him, trust his decisions
for the family, and am proud of what he is able to
accomplish at (in his) work.
for the family, and am proud of what he is able to
accomplish at (in his) work.
P.S. In case you are wondering...these engagement photos were taken by a family friend and professional photographer, Gosia, whose work you can see here.
She is from Poland, talented, super funny, will travel over 1500 miles to shoot a wedding and speaks the King's English better than me.
And that's another sister of mine on her home page.
She is from Poland, talented, super funny, will travel over 1500 miles to shoot a wedding and speaks the King's English better than me.
And that's another sister of mine on her home page.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Prayer Part Seven
Be beautiful, don't be sexy.
Those words still resound in my ears after nearly 22 years.
I heard them as a super hormonal-seeking-the-boys-attention teenager during a talk by a teacher at my high school. She was speaking to all the girls and she brought more light to being a young woman than I had heard before and really have not heard much of since. I am so grateful for those few words. They have helped guide my choices and thoughts.
Our culture certainly throws around the word beauty and beautiful a lot. We also throw around the words hot and sexy. And there are probably more words in that vein that I am not privy to. I think the words have become muddled, interchanged, and communicated so much and to younger ages these days, that a girl grows up with some confusion as to what beauty really is and how she can or should exemplify it What's more, the images out there are numerous and at the forefront of most media.
What's the difference between being beautiful and being hot? Do we even have examples of one or the other so a distinction can be seen?
I would offer that beauty is lasting, it is not fleeting. It's what makes one shine in the world as herself. It is what takes little effort but is greatly appreciated and noticed for its genuine-ness. It is that natural glow and smile that makes one happy and content being around you. It is seeing or catching a glimpse of the awesome creative work of the Father in that person.
Again, it is lasting. It is what endures when the body starts to go.
And I think it is what you would want your spouse in the end to most appreciate. It is what you would want your spouse to appreciate in the beginning.
It is what you might hear a husband say after 50 years of marriage. She is more beautiful now than the day I met her. I believe this is a sentiment that can be realized in a marriage. It goes to the depths of what one sees in the other and how one cherishes and holds the other up as precious, special, and unique.
What would you rather hear your husband say to another person? My wife is hot. Or, my wife is the most beautiful person I have met. I am so grateful to be with her. Look at her.
I cried more than once through a Christmas letter we received this past December. It just held a lot of what I want and long for in family life. Anyway, the husband and father of four wrote the letter and in it he brought out the personalities of his wife and children as he recounted their typical morning. It was really a beautiful letter. What struck me in particular was the way this man honored his wife for her hard work and for her beauty. He is still struck by her beauty even in the early morning as she rushes out the door to spend the entire day at her job. She sort of blows him off, but you can just tell he adores her. Her. For all she is. For who she is. I can't recall his specific words; they just spoke truth about the way he saw her.
She was the model of beauty for him.
So today's prayer for your husband is simple, but it really goes against the grain of what we see on a daily basis in a lot of relationships. Therefore, it takes some courage and boldness and vulnerability to say:
Make my image the model of beauty for him.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Prayer Part Six
There's a lot of help going on in today's prayer for your husband.
But, we all need help. It is not always natural or automatic to embrace and carry out the roles of friend, supporter and lover.
I believe we can call on the grace of God to provide us courage and strength to be a friend when he needs it, a supporter of all he does, and a compassionate and passionate lover of him.
Maybe for you these all three came quite naturally when you first met. Maybe you recognized your limitation in one area or another, or two, but you were so enamored you were willing to make a commitment to grow in that area til death do you part.
I think one of the blessings of marriage is the time one has to work and grow on just about every area of life.
I pray to God I am only in the first fifth or sixth of my marriage. I would love to be like the couple we observed at the Cathedral of St. Paul one year who were celebrating 80 years of marriage to one another. Can you just imagine the growth of love in that relationship? The blessing to have 80 years to help, support and love someone? That is amazing!
Are you your spouse's advocate? His closest confidant? His nearest source of comfort, help and joy?
Pray that he has the eyes to see you as such.
Pray that you have the grace to act as such.
Good things will happen.
I looked up the reference here to Proberbs 15. My Bible, The Message, does not mince words. It's pretty clear. Stay faithful, stay supportive, ask forgiveness when you fail. Pray for a forgiving heart in return.
But, we all need help. It is not always natural or automatic to embrace and carry out the roles of friend, supporter and lover.
I believe we can call on the grace of God to provide us courage and strength to be a friend when he needs it, a supporter of all he does, and a compassionate and passionate lover of him.
Maybe for you these all three came quite naturally when you first met. Maybe you recognized your limitation in one area or another, or two, but you were so enamored you were willing to make a commitment to grow in that area til death do you part.
I think one of the blessings of marriage is the time one has to work and grow on just about every area of life.
I pray to God I am only in the first fifth or sixth of my marriage. I would love to be like the couple we observed at the Cathedral of St. Paul one year who were celebrating 80 years of marriage to one another. Can you just imagine the growth of love in that relationship? The blessing to have 80 years to help, support and love someone? That is amazing!
Are you your spouse's advocate? His closest confidant? His nearest source of comfort, help and joy?
Pray that he has the eyes to see you as such.
Pray that you have the grace to act as such.
Good things will happen.
I looked up the reference here to Proberbs 15. My Bible, The Message, does not mince words. It's pretty clear. Stay faithful, stay supportive, ask forgiveness when you fail. Pray for a forgiving heart in return.
Help him see me as his helpmate and help me that I can be his best friend, supporter, and lover (Proverbs 5:18-19)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Prayer: Part Four
I was exercising last week and through the ear buds heard the nice computerized voice of iPod shuffle lady say, "Battery Low, Battery Low."
Time to re-charge.
Which seems simple, but I had to ask my husband for the gizmo thingy to plug it into and for what color light I should be looking for to know it was completely recharged. (I really need to find the tiny box this thing came in to read the tiny 2 inch square paper on which the directions are printed in tiny type.)
That's my brilliant segue into the next part of the Prayer for My Husband.
It is about re-charging.
When I think about re-charging I think about getting a boost of energy, being strengthened and uplifted, increased zeal, joy, being motivated to keep going...you get the picture.
I believe the home is a great place and maybe the best place for one to be re-charged. The place where one is built up because of the close supportive relationships there; the place where one is comfortable relaxing in their way; where one feels freedom to be in his own skin, to be who he is; the place where one ought to be appreciated and cared for and loved when present; a place one longs for when he is not there.
Certainly there are other places that also provide these things. But I believe the home ought to be the primary one, especially for family. And for husbands.
I believe that part of my vocation is to build the kind of environment that Ben and the kids and myself long to be a part of. I try to work hard at cultivating a setting where the spaces, the tone, the attitudes, the expectations and the details are geared towards a happy life together.
My particular vocation is a homemaker and I grant you that I have more time to do this since I am home a lot. I realize I am in a minority in my job. But, this vocation can also be taken for granted. I could and sometimes do become lazy, bitter, vocal, tired, emotional, disgruntled, anxious...just as any person does in his/her job.
But, I also believe its important to always try to better oneself and grow in doing one's work well. This includes contributing to a home life that is pleasant, welcoming, inviting, peaceful, and happy. And it often takes good old fashioned hard work.
It doesn't happen automatically just because one snowy day in January I said I would "love you all the days of my life" in front of hundreds of people.
Lord knows it sometimes takes a lot of seemingly super human effort.
And, I think that is the point.
Through the blessing of grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit, I am able to turn these small enclosed 8 foot high walls into a haven where we all desire to be. And, hopefully into a place where he wants to be. Even more so than at his job, out with his friends, on then bike, at church, on the water riding the waves, etc.
Not that he shouldn't find solace and comfort and peace also in his other endeavors. Of course he should. They are also important for being a well rounded and whole person. I want to wholeheartedly support his passions and interests and career.
But I also want him to come home to open arms. To a pleasant greeting. To a setting where he just knows he is appreciated for the sacrifices he makes. Where he feels loved in his way.
And so I pray,
Prayer Part Four:
Time to re-charge.
Which seems simple, but I had to ask my husband for the gizmo thingy to plug it into and for what color light I should be looking for to know it was completely recharged. (I really need to find the tiny box this thing came in to read the tiny 2 inch square paper on which the directions are printed in tiny type.)
That's my brilliant segue into the next part of the Prayer for My Husband.
It is about re-charging.
When I think about re-charging I think about getting a boost of energy, being strengthened and uplifted, increased zeal, joy, being motivated to keep going...you get the picture.
I believe the home is a great place and maybe the best place for one to be re-charged. The place where one is built up because of the close supportive relationships there; the place where one is comfortable relaxing in their way; where one feels freedom to be in his own skin, to be who he is; the place where one ought to be appreciated and cared for and loved when present; a place one longs for when he is not there.
Certainly there are other places that also provide these things. But I believe the home ought to be the primary one, especially for family. And for husbands.
I believe that part of my vocation is to build the kind of environment that Ben and the kids and myself long to be a part of. I try to work hard at cultivating a setting where the spaces, the tone, the attitudes, the expectations and the details are geared towards a happy life together.
My particular vocation is a homemaker and I grant you that I have more time to do this since I am home a lot. I realize I am in a minority in my job. But, this vocation can also be taken for granted. I could and sometimes do become lazy, bitter, vocal, tired, emotional, disgruntled, anxious...just as any person does in his/her job.
But, I also believe its important to always try to better oneself and grow in doing one's work well. This includes contributing to a home life that is pleasant, welcoming, inviting, peaceful, and happy. And it often takes good old fashioned hard work.
It doesn't happen automatically just because one snowy day in January I said I would "love you all the days of my life" in front of hundreds of people.
Lord knows it sometimes takes a lot of seemingly super human effort.
And, I think that is the point.
Through the blessing of grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit, I am able to turn these small enclosed 8 foot high walls into a haven where we all desire to be. And, hopefully into a place where he wants to be. Even more so than at his job, out with his friends, on then bike, at church, on the water riding the waves, etc.
Not that he shouldn't find solace and comfort and peace also in his other endeavors. Of course he should. They are also important for being a well rounded and whole person. I want to wholeheartedly support his passions and interests and career.
But I also want him to come home to open arms. To a pleasant greeting. To a setting where he just knows he is appreciated for the sacrifices he makes. Where he feels loved in his way.
And so I pray,
Prayer Part Four:
Recharge him at home more than at work or play.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Prayer for Him, Part Three
Let's face it. Money and its lack there of can cause stress. With or without it challenges seem to rear their ugly heads in family life and marriage.
Ideally in dating someone you would have had many conversations about the lifestyle you want together. You would have asked the other to paint a picture of what they saw themselves having and how they saw themselves living 2, 5, 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the road.
Whether we are aware of it or not, I think most people when pressed could articulate how they saw themselves living and with what kinds of things around them for the future - at least to some degree.
Even if one is called to a life of poverty and sees themselves living among the poor and choosing a simple lifestyle, that is one person's specific picture. Marrying someone with the same picture in mind would be really helpful for this person. Their pictures matching up well would help ensure a happy life together.
As a side note, I recently took a lengthy survey of my own thoughts and experiences to determine some God given charisms I have. It turns out that I score very low in the category of mission/poverty. This isn't a less virtuous or bad place to be. It is no more or less holy than someone with great wealth.
Anyway, it is helpful for my marriage that Ben also matches up more closely to a kind of lifestyle I envision and am naturally attracted to.
Still, we have our differences.
Our threshold for feeling secure in our family finances is quite different.
I prefer more money in the bank just to be there in case...I am rattled by a situation that doesn't match up with this. I am out of my comfort zone so to speak when savings are spent.
Ben has less attachment to a certain amount of money that is just there, in case....He is certainly responsible with money, but he does not come quite as unglued as I do with prospects of less in savings.
Herein lies one of our "issues". An imbalance occurs in our relationship when our pictures of financial health do not match up.
There is probably some trust issues here, but anyway...
We are mainly a one income earning family. Ben earns most of the income that supports us. He is very aware of and pays attention to how well his income serves and blesses our lifestyle. It is the source of a lot of conversation and some stress depending on the times/circumstances.
I have seen over the years the amazing blessing of things like unexpected timely bonuses. Come to think of it, when is a bonus not timely? I have experienced the joyous news of a raise and the pride in his voice that he earned it and now we can do "x". I have experienced the generosity of an anonymous donor couple who left some money for us very early in our marriage because they had received the same when they were first starting out. I have known the comfort of rebates, tax refunds, REI dividends in our mailbox, stocks doing well, etc.
We have been blessed. We have attempted to live within our means while having the fun and "extras" that also bring joy and enhance family life.
I think the following prayer is an okay one to pray.
Our lives are meant to be lived well.
Even if one is called to live without many or much material possessions at all, praying for others to be so blessed helps the whole Body of Christ grow too.
Prayer Part Three:
Ideally in dating someone you would have had many conversations about the lifestyle you want together. You would have asked the other to paint a picture of what they saw themselves having and how they saw themselves living 2, 5, 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the road.
Whether we are aware of it or not, I think most people when pressed could articulate how they saw themselves living and with what kinds of things around them for the future - at least to some degree.
Even if one is called to a life of poverty and sees themselves living among the poor and choosing a simple lifestyle, that is one person's specific picture. Marrying someone with the same picture in mind would be really helpful for this person. Their pictures matching up well would help ensure a happy life together.
As a side note, I recently took a lengthy survey of my own thoughts and experiences to determine some God given charisms I have. It turns out that I score very low in the category of mission/poverty. This isn't a less virtuous or bad place to be. It is no more or less holy than someone with great wealth.
Anyway, it is helpful for my marriage that Ben also matches up more closely to a kind of lifestyle I envision and am naturally attracted to.
Still, we have our differences.
Our threshold for feeling secure in our family finances is quite different.
I prefer more money in the bank just to be there in case...I am rattled by a situation that doesn't match up with this. I am out of my comfort zone so to speak when savings are spent.
Ben has less attachment to a certain amount of money that is just there, in case....He is certainly responsible with money, but he does not come quite as unglued as I do with prospects of less in savings.
Herein lies one of our "issues". An imbalance occurs in our relationship when our pictures of financial health do not match up.
There is probably some trust issues here, but anyway...
We are mainly a one income earning family. Ben earns most of the income that supports us. He is very aware of and pays attention to how well his income serves and blesses our lifestyle. It is the source of a lot of conversation and some stress depending on the times/circumstances.
I have seen over the years the amazing blessing of things like unexpected timely bonuses. Come to think of it, when is a bonus not timely? I have experienced the joyous news of a raise and the pride in his voice that he earned it and now we can do "x". I have experienced the generosity of an anonymous donor couple who left some money for us very early in our marriage because they had received the same when they were first starting out. I have known the comfort of rebates, tax refunds, REI dividends in our mailbox, stocks doing well, etc.
We have been blessed. We have attempted to live within our means while having the fun and "extras" that also bring joy and enhance family life.
I think the following prayer is an okay one to pray.
Our lives are meant to be lived well.
Even if one is called to live without many or much material possessions at all, praying for others to be so blessed helps the whole Body of Christ grow too.
Prayer Part Three:
Grant him (us) more than enough income to provide for our family
and to serve Your people.
and to serve Your people.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A Second Prayer
This is the second part of the ten-part prayer concerning praying for your husband. Again, the whole thing is simple and short, but I think it cuts to the heart of the basic needs and desires of men.
It helps me keep in mind what is important to him.
So often, I tend to ignore or pay little attention to the work and happenings of my spouse unless it is directly related to our life. Meaning, if it happens in our home, or with one of us, then I tend to give it more attention and concern. Well, the fact is that most of Ben's time isn't spent with us. He has a career, an exercise routine, passions that he cultivates outside the home, friendships of his own, a prayer life and so on. This is not to suggest that he isn't present to us. On the contrary, he actually juggles all the responsibilities and commitments of his life very well. And, we feel loved and cared for.
A side note, he can actually juggle, which is entertaining and, as you can imagine if you know him, often hilarious to watch.
But, I realize that it is important to pray that all his endeavors, whether they be with us or for us or not, deserve prayer and concern.
It is important for any person to be successful; to accomplish what they set out to do; to gain the respect and attention of those around them for support and encouragement; to attain a goal; to complete a task well; to have one's efforts produce good, if not excellent results.
Maybe one is not always conscience of these desires, or they all don't carry equal weight. After all, recognition is more important to some than others. Setting goals is more of a priority for some. Excellence in our work is not valued as highly by some.
And yet, I think deep down if we really seek the depths of what one wants, these are important. They do matter.
For men especially, I think there is a pride and self-confidence that comes with success in their work. They have something to prove.
It's important for me to remember this and to daily offer up the endeavors of my spouse. That he will be supported in his drive to do his duties and passions well. Actually, that they produce excellent results, not just good ones.
Let's just shoot for that. I think it is worth it.
Prayer Part Two:
It helps me keep in mind what is important to him.
So often, I tend to ignore or pay little attention to the work and happenings of my spouse unless it is directly related to our life. Meaning, if it happens in our home, or with one of us, then I tend to give it more attention and concern. Well, the fact is that most of Ben's time isn't spent with us. He has a career, an exercise routine, passions that he cultivates outside the home, friendships of his own, a prayer life and so on. This is not to suggest that he isn't present to us. On the contrary, he actually juggles all the responsibilities and commitments of his life very well. And, we feel loved and cared for.
A side note, he can actually juggle, which is entertaining and, as you can imagine if you know him, often hilarious to watch.
But, I realize that it is important to pray that all his endeavors, whether they be with us or for us or not, deserve prayer and concern.
It is important for any person to be successful; to accomplish what they set out to do; to gain the respect and attention of those around them for support and encouragement; to attain a goal; to complete a task well; to have one's efforts produce good, if not excellent results.
Maybe one is not always conscience of these desires, or they all don't carry equal weight. After all, recognition is more important to some than others. Setting goals is more of a priority for some. Excellence in our work is not valued as highly by some.
And yet, I think deep down if we really seek the depths of what one wants, these are important. They do matter.
For men especially, I think there is a pride and self-confidence that comes with success in their work. They have something to prove.
It's important for me to remember this and to daily offer up the endeavors of my spouse. That he will be supported in his drive to do his duties and passions well. Actually, that they produce excellent results, not just good ones.
Let's just shoot for that. I think it is worth it.
Prayer Part Two:
Give him success in all that he does.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
A Prayer
A friend shared a prayer with me that is composed of ten parts. It is a prayer to offer up for your husband. Prayer is dis-arming; it is honest; it is real; it is a conversation.
I think God wants to hear and bless our efforts to lift up the particular concerns of our hearts in regards to our spouse. And, I think the ten parts of this prayer speak well to the concerns and make up of men.
So, here is the first prayer. Simple. But it can be hard to say. Often, I have the plan in mind. I have the ideas for how best he should channel his energy and to which passions he should devote his time and money. I am a planner after all. I can stir him up. I can create the picture for him of God's intentions. I am good at that.
Well, I really need to just get out of the way. I need to respect, appreciate and love the unique and unrepeatable man that he is. And I need to allow for his own heart to lead him to those things that will most glorify the Lord and bless our family.
Amen.
Prayer for my husband: Part One
I think God wants to hear and bless our efforts to lift up the particular concerns of our hearts in regards to our spouse. And, I think the ten parts of this prayer speak well to the concerns and make up of men.
So, here is the first prayer. Simple. But it can be hard to say. Often, I have the plan in mind. I have the ideas for how best he should channel his energy and to which passions he should devote his time and money. I am a planner after all. I can stir him up. I can create the picture for him of God's intentions. I am good at that.
Well, I really need to just get out of the way. I need to respect, appreciate and love the unique and unrepeatable man that he is. And I need to allow for his own heart to lead him to those things that will most glorify the Lord and bless our family.
Amen.
Prayer for my husband: Part One
Open his eyes to Your plan for his life. The plan for which
he was created and that would stir up energy and passion in him.
he was created and that would stir up energy and passion in him.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Lunch Buddy No More
Last Friday, I got to share it with my favorite person. He has been coming home from work for lunch for the last four years. It is just a part of the day. To see him ride his bike up the driveway, greet us with a kiss and smile and proceed to put together the oddest ingredients usually piled on a tortilla and carefully weighed on the scale. We all have our own way, I guess.
Well all this changes today. My lunch buddy has a longer commute to work and will not be able to join me on a daily basis. It will be strange and hard to not have this contact in the middle of the day. Especially when it is the time we are both wide awake, both ready to talk and listen and both not too exhausted yet from the days work.
What a blessing it has been to have a job so close to home. The job stays the same but the location changes.
Man, there really is something to convenience serving a relationship well. Time is precious after all.
I wish it didn't have to be this way.
Looks like I will have to plan to bring Sushi Friday on the road and visit the new place.
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